Behind the Curtain: An Insider’s Guide to
Who’s Who on the Oakwood Scene
by Bambi Gazelle
An exclusive interview with the mysterious author of “Ask Jackie”, the sassy new advice column in The Oakwood Register. This reporter secured a one-on-one meeting with the ironclad proviso that we WILL NOT reveal Jackie’s identity.
BG: I must say, you’re not at all what I was expecting.
AJ: I take it you’ve read my column?
BG: Who hasn’t? In the few short months since it first appeared, “Ask Jackie” has become the toast of the town. And your identity has become the hottest mystery.
AJ: Keep ‘em guessing, I always say!
BG: May I ask why? Why the secrecy? The column is fantastic, a hilarious yet deadly accurate analysis of Oakwood society. You should be proud. Why not accept the accolades?
AJ: A couple of reasons. First off, not everyone gets the answers they’re looking for. I call it like I see it, and a lot of the time, that means calling people out on their prejudices or poor behavior. I live in Oakwood, and I’d prefer not to encounter a disgruntled advisee in a shadowy parking lot, if you get my drift.
BG: I certainly do. And the other reason?
AJ: I started the column as a lark. It was supposed to be a joke, a way to examine the human condition through the filter of anonymous letters. And for the first few months, that’s exactly the sort of letters that came in. My wife snores. My neighbor’s cat keeps pooping on my azaleas. My son’s girlfriend has an Adam’s apple. But then . . . (trails off, bites lip)
BG: Yes? Something happened?
AJ: You could say that. Last week I received a letter signed “A Tortured Soul.” The writer speaks in generalities, but anyone with half a brain can see what she’s getting at.
BG: Which is?
AJ: Child abuse. “Tortured” knows about a child that’s being mistreated in some way.
BG: Oh, no!
AJ: Oh, yes. It’s so serious and scary, I almost didn’t print it. Then I thought: This is exactly what abusers count on, that people would rather sweep the shocking and difficult under the rug, rather than drag it into the light of day.
BG: So you ran it in the column?
AJ: It’s going to appear in tomorrow’s paper. I expect it will rattle quite a few cages, as will my response. I told “Tortured” to get off her tush and call the cops. If that child suffers one more day, and she could have done something to prevent it? That’s on her. And that’s what I meant about calling people out.
BG: The writer of that letter is female?
AJ: Shit. I didn’t mean to . . . Listen, Bambi. I don’t know what’s going on with this poor woman, but she’s on the verge of leveling a very serious accusation at someone. If that someone figures out who she is, and if that someone suspects she might actually go to the police? Well. People have committed murder over less. If anything happened to “A Tortured Soul” because of something I wrote in “Ask Jackie”, I’d never forgive myself.
BG: You think whoever wrote that letter might be in real danger?
AJ: It’s possible. In fact, I have a very good friend who helps the police with the occasional bit of crime detection. This might be right up her alley.
BG: You wouldn’t be referring to Charley Carpenter, would you? I’ve written about several of her more outrageous collaborations with Detective Marcus Trenault, including her near death in the Mulbridge House fire last month.
AJ: (winks) I think perhaps it’s time for Jackie to step out of the shadows and call in the cavalry. If anyone can discover the identity of “A Tortured Soul” and get to the bottom of the mystery, it’s Oakwood’s own version of Sherlock Holmes. Of course, when she finds out who I am, something tells me Charley’s not going to be the least bit surprised.
Who’s Who on the Oakwood Scene
by Bambi Gazelle
An exclusive interview with the mysterious author of “Ask Jackie”, the sassy new advice column in The Oakwood Register. This reporter secured a one-on-one meeting with the ironclad proviso that we WILL NOT reveal Jackie’s identity.
BG: I must say, you’re not at all what I was expecting.
AJ: I take it you’ve read my column?
BG: Who hasn’t? In the few short months since it first appeared, “Ask Jackie” has become the toast of the town. And your identity has become the hottest mystery.
AJ: Keep ‘em guessing, I always say!
BG: May I ask why? Why the secrecy? The column is fantastic, a hilarious yet deadly accurate analysis of Oakwood society. You should be proud. Why not accept the accolades?
AJ: A couple of reasons. First off, not everyone gets the answers they’re looking for. I call it like I see it, and a lot of the time, that means calling people out on their prejudices or poor behavior. I live in Oakwood, and I’d prefer not to encounter a disgruntled advisee in a shadowy parking lot, if you get my drift.
BG: I certainly do. And the other reason?
AJ: I started the column as a lark. It was supposed to be a joke, a way to examine the human condition through the filter of anonymous letters. And for the first few months, that’s exactly the sort of letters that came in. My wife snores. My neighbor’s cat keeps pooping on my azaleas. My son’s girlfriend has an Adam’s apple. But then . . . (trails off, bites lip)
BG: Yes? Something happened?
AJ: You could say that. Last week I received a letter signed “A Tortured Soul.” The writer speaks in generalities, but anyone with half a brain can see what she’s getting at.
BG: Which is?
AJ: Child abuse. “Tortured” knows about a child that’s being mistreated in some way.
BG: Oh, no!
AJ: Oh, yes. It’s so serious and scary, I almost didn’t print it. Then I thought: This is exactly what abusers count on, that people would rather sweep the shocking and difficult under the rug, rather than drag it into the light of day.
BG: So you ran it in the column?
AJ: It’s going to appear in tomorrow’s paper. I expect it will rattle quite a few cages, as will my response. I told “Tortured” to get off her tush and call the cops. If that child suffers one more day, and she could have done something to prevent it? That’s on her. And that’s what I meant about calling people out.
BG: The writer of that letter is female?
AJ: Shit. I didn’t mean to . . . Listen, Bambi. I don’t know what’s going on with this poor woman, but she’s on the verge of leveling a very serious accusation at someone. If that someone figures out who she is, and if that someone suspects she might actually go to the police? Well. People have committed murder over less. If anything happened to “A Tortured Soul” because of something I wrote in “Ask Jackie”, I’d never forgive myself.
BG: You think whoever wrote that letter might be in real danger?
AJ: It’s possible. In fact, I have a very good friend who helps the police with the occasional bit of crime detection. This might be right up her alley.
BG: You wouldn’t be referring to Charley Carpenter, would you? I’ve written about several of her more outrageous collaborations with Detective Marcus Trenault, including her near death in the Mulbridge House fire last month.
AJ: (winks) I think perhaps it’s time for Jackie to step out of the shadows and call in the cavalry. If anyone can discover the identity of “A Tortured Soul” and get to the bottom of the mystery, it’s Oakwood’s own version of Sherlock Holmes. Of course, when she finds out who I am, something tells me Charley’s not going to be the least bit surprised.